Holy shit! I’m a dildo! Or, more specifically, a pelvic exerciser!!!! This contraption is called the Bar Belle. I knew I’d be good at something some day, I just never thought it was to help people perform at their peak and tighten vagina muscles. Like all good things, you insert this and squeeze. And over time, your down-there muscles become strong and will probably be able to lift a six-pack or pony keg. Can you imagine that party trick?