Today’s Reason To Drink

cartoon-penisSometimes when I’m doing my thing on the eliptical machine at the gym, my mind wanders to the dark corners of the world. I can’t help it. I’m not really a dirty minded person, but I do like a good laugh, and I often try to make myself laugh so I don’t cry. And looking down at my round body makes me want to cry. So as I was glued to the TV in front of my machine and this song came on VH-1, something overtook my brain and I started making a parody of it. Yeah, it’s pretty gross, and that’s not just because I like girls. But it’s also funny. If we can’t laugh at ourselves and our bodily functions, then I don’t know your mom.

In the style of A Great Big World/Christina Aguilera’s “Say Something”:

[Video opens with XTina laying on a piano while a man in a dick suit is tickling the keys. She gets close to the dick’s head while tears stream down her face.]

Spray something, I’m giving up on you
I’ll use my teeth, if you want me to

Anywhere, I would’ve swallowed you
Spray something, I’m giving up on you

And I am feeling it’s so small
I was giving you head
You know nothing at all

And I will fumble your balls
I’m still learning to blow
Just starting to stall

Spray something, I’m giving up on you
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get you off
Anywhere I would’ve swallowed you
Spray something, I’m giving up on you

And I will gag on my pride
You’re the dick that I love
And I’m saying goodbye

Spray something, I’m giving up on you
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get you off
And anywhere I would have swallowed you
Oh-oh-oh-oh spray something, I’m giving up on you

Spray something, I’m giving up on you
Spray something

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