Today’s Reason To Drink

texting

It’s time to purge all the drunk texts I’ve collected throughout the last few months. Enjoy.

  • I think that hot sauce is coming out my cornhole!
  • Barflies were once railbirds at Churchill Downs
  • Vaginas in Mexico translate to night bread
  • I don’t masterbate in the kitchen, that’s where Grandma is
  • I’d like to be the cheese between her lady crackers
  • The more I talk to people, the more I realize their breath stinks
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