Today’s Reason To Drink

Are lesbians disappearing like the bees?

Where are the lesbians?

Besides “How are you still alive?” and “Does your mom know what you write about?,” for some reason I get this question a lot, as if I am the Lesbians of Louisville spokesperson. The truth is, I’d also like to know where the lesbians are.

I do know they usually hibernate in the winter and come crawling out of their dens — with their dogs in tow — each spring, but since there are very few lesbian bars in town and nowadays we can just hang wherever, it’s extremely hard to meet new ladies in this town.

I usually post up at Big Bar and Chill for some girl scouting, but lately, my single friends and I wonder if the lesbian species is disappearing like the honey bees. I surely hope not, and I do realize not every lady finds comfort in a bar setting, either.

I’m currently on two dating apps that suck the hope out of my sails of ever meeting someone who can spell, use correct grammar and doesn’t take selfies in public restrooms. But I digress.

Perhaps I should come up with a Bat Signal for lesbians to shine into the sky at night that says, “Hey ladies, come to this spot where the Michelob Ultra is cheap and there’s plenty of parking for your Jeep.” But what could that signal be? Maybe a pair of Birkenstocks? A hand doing the Cardinal “L”? A U-Haul?

If you know where the lesbians are, please share. Sharing is caring, after all.

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