Here’s my take on Monday’s eclipse, and a few suggestions on where to watch it locally. I plan on being at Big Bar for the night-during-day festivities.
If I had a million dollars, I would pay off my car and house. I would finally put a fence up so my dog doesn’t run off into the sunset.
I would probably brave going to a mall and buying some new clothes at Old Navy or something. And I’d buy rounds for lots and lots of people.
I’d also probably hire a personal chef. And buy a small apartment in New Orleans’ French Quarter, and maybe a condo in Destin … or Key West.
I might buy an airline to figure out how to make flying fun again.
And then, after all that, I’ll probably be out of money.
But at least I’ll have a fence.
So the other day I got this Barrel Char in a Jar kit in the mail, and I’m currently conducting two very scientific experiments. I should get my own lab coat.
Basically, this kit offers you two jars and several varieties of toasted and charred wood that you can add to bourbon, tequila, rum … anything you choose, really. You pick one of the woods at first, put it in the jar with the liquor, and let it age like it was a barrel.
In one jar, I bought some Buffalo Trace White Dog Wheated Mash, so I can attempt to make my own version of W.L. Weller. I put in a charred piece of wood, similar to the inside of a new bourbon barrel. In the other jar, I put Heaven Hill Bottled-in-Bond Bourbon and a stick of sugar maple wood in an attempt to make it even sweeter.
Right now the jars are aging out on my front porch. I hope my neighbors think it’s sun tea. And in a few days, I’ll put them in the freezer to try and get that liquid in and out of the wood, like Mother Nature.
I’ll update you here along the journey.
OK, everybody is in an uproar around here about statues of Confederate soldiers. I actually had no idea that white man on a horse near Cherokee Park was from the Civil War — I just liked the horse.
I have a suggestion, however. Let’s remove the thing and put up this dandy Mint Julep in its place — or one like it. That way, nobody will be angry, it’ll commemorate our bourbon heritage and it’ll look cool.
You can’t change the past, but you sure can tidy up the present to make things better for the future. Or something like that.
We can even put Christmas lights on it in December. And maybe a witch’s hat for Halloween.
The options are limitless.
I am willing to crack open my bottle of Old Rip Van Winkle 10 Year for anyone who wants to come over and mow my yard tonight.
Oh, and if you can fix a leaking pipe in my basement, you can have the whole bottle.
Tonight my itinerary includes making a batch of chocolate cookies with those delightful peanut butter chips. Yes, there will be mass consumption of raw cookie dough, and I am not afraid.
I am afraid of North Korea and the ignorant mind of Donald Trump, but I am not afraid of eating cookie dough.
Call me crazy.
I wonder if it’s more likely for me to find a bottle of Pappy or find a competent date.
Although both would make me happy, one causes headaches while the other is booze.
Ba-dum. I’ll be here all night, folks! Try the buffet.