Proof of the escape.
Anyone else in a post-Derby daze?
Where did the last two weeks go? Why am I carrying around an extra 5 pounds of bourbon and beer weight? Why is Facebook making me so fucking depressed?
Derby is an escape, and when it’s over and you have to crawl back into your lame, regimented life, it’s soul-sucking and sad.
It’s back to swiping left on Tinder, back to arguing with lesbian Republicans from Georgia who message you on OKCupid (true story), back to the gym, back to bedtimes, back to mowing the lawn, back to the grind.
I’m hibernating until the beach.
Bourbon also led to this.
I discovered another benefit of bourbon.
If you consume a large amount of it, it encourages the mass consumption of water the next morning.
And we all need to drink a little more water, don’t we?
My time this week is disappearing like the polar ice caps.
What will happen to the polar bears of my life?
Take two of these and call me in the morning.
It’s not even Derby week yet and my panties are already in a wad.
Is that even a saying anymore?
I just mean that I’m all stressed out, and my time is slipping away from me one commitment at a time. Don’t get me wrong — it’s all fun and will be fun in the end. It’s just stressful to somehow juggle work with play, and when work is often play, how do you record that on a time sheet?
I’m hoping this year I can just take a deep breath and take on things one at a time … and be mindful and present and content and happy and appreciative. May it all work out as it should and may my hangovers not suck like a Dirt Devil on shag carpet.
Thunder down under my pants!
For those of you not in Louisville, a loud, crowded event called Thunder Over Louisville will be held on Saturday. It’s the kickoff to Derby — signifying it’s OK to drink before noon now throughout the next two weeks, leading up to that two-minute horse race on May 6.
Many people here flock to the riverfront to watch one of the country’s largest fireworks displays. But if you’re not wanting to be among thousands, I’ve rounded up some other suggestions, including starting your own pub crawl, which is what I’ll be doing.
Read the column here, and I hope you have a safe, fun Thunder and don’t do anything I wouldn’t.
This is your liver after Derby.
May you have a safe, lucrative and happy Derby!