Yesterday’s Reason To Drink

My nightmare.

Holy crap. I must have gotten busy and forgot to post yesterday. Shame.

I’ll be happy to take any punishment you lob my way, including but not limited to water boarding with Bud Light, light spanking, handcuffs, a Jagerbomb before bedtime, a Guinness-chugging contest, all-you-can-eat seafood buffets, Jimmy Buffett on nonstop repeat, BW3’s wings, or Trump for another four years.

Today’s Reason To Drink

You better work!

A Life Lesson from the Bar Belle

Filmmaker Woody Allen once said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.”

I wholeheartedly agree with that. Many people ask me how it is I know so people in Louisville, and my simple answer is: I show up to things.

Well, it’s that, and the fact that I’ve been around writing about the city for 17 years now.

Perhaps it’s just something instilled in me from my upbringing. I do have a case of FOMO, but I also had severe FOM (Fear of Mom) as a kid. Which is why I never missed a day in high school, which is why I never drank my first beer until college, and which is why I’m always 10 minutes early to anything.

It’s true, though. You get invited to a pop-up bourbon event on a Monday evening? Show up. Get there early, and stay late. Don’t turn down opportunities to network. Put yourself out there, shake hands and remember names (which I admittedly am terrible at).

Life is a balancing act, of course, and you can’t commit to everything. You probably think it’s easier for me get out and about because I’m single and have no major obligations waiting for me at home. And you’re probably right. But I do value my personal time as much as anyone else, and the times I am in a committed relationship, I practice the very important lesson of compromise.

Some exes would say I failed at that lesson, and others would say they had fun joining me on my many adventures while it lasted.

But this isn’t about them. This is about me giving away wisdom like Oprah does cars.

You’re welcome.

Today’s Reason To Drink

Dana & Alice reunited!

OMG.

Entertainment Weekly reunited the cast of “The L Word,” and they all would like to see the show come back — even Dana, who is dead. I think that’s the best idea I’ve heard in a long time, and there really hasn’t been lesbian-centered shows since it ended in 2009, unless you count “Orange is the New Black.”

I say yes, yes, yes! Let’s get Alice and Dana back together (somehow). Shane and Carmen. Tina and Bette.

Ten years ago, this show helped me realize I was, indeed, a gay gal trying to navigate a straight life. And that if I just was honest with myself and those around me, I could, well, have my cake and eat it too, so to speak.

It’s been quite a decade learning all about love, heartbreak, friendship, partnership, passion and all the other crazy stuff, but at least I’m doing it as my authentic self now — and I don’t have to pretend to have crushes on dudes.

Happy Pride Month, y’all!

Today’s Reason To Drink

Mall of America is no Panama City.

During our daily news meeting this morning, my coworkers were joking about the Mall of America in Minnesota — who goes there and why, etc.

I mumbled that I had gone there for my senior year spring break in high school, and the room first went silent — and then flooded with roars of laughter.

Yes, while other kids my age were experimenting with sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll on the beaches of Florida, me and two of my friends (Kristy and Katie) were wandering around the largest mall in the world and anticipating our meals at Planet Hollywood. I never said I was cool.

And for the record, we had a blast at the mall, and it was the first time any of us had been on vacation alone — without parents. We stayed up late, talked about our future and the sophisticated lives we’d be living now, and, well, went shopping!

Right on!

This was the spring before I started college and would try tequila for the first time. And beer. And Zima. And … you get the picture.

The moral of the story: I’m about 10 years behind everyone else, and I still rock a Planet Hollywood T-shirt on occasion.

Today’s Reason To Drink

Hold my hand and call me stupid.

I’m making it a point not to write about my sad dating life here, because, well, I’m tired of talking about it as much as you probably are reading about it. Online dating is sad, soul-sucking and seriously deranged. And it’s pretty impossible to meet new people in this damn city.

So I’ll just keep doing what I do best — blaming others and finding happy hour specials.

A friend, tired of hearing me bitch about being single, asked what I miss the most about being in a relationship. It didn’t take me more than 10 seconds of contemplation: holding hands, duh.

It was a close call with making out on a Ferris wheel, but hands down, it’s holding hands.