Today’s Reason To Drink

Ever feel like you’re a bowel movement away from your pants not being so tight?

Yeah, me too. I mean, me either. (However you answered.)

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Today’s Reason To Drink

Christmas before the unwrapping.

Well, we survived another Christmas and now find ourselves caught in that awkward matrix between the big holiday and waiting for the new year to start. One Sunday you’re opening presents with family and sitting politely in church, and the next one you’re sipping tequila from a stripper’s belly button.

I’m guessing most of you are off this week, and to you, I say, “Enjoy it, you damn dirty elves.” I’m at work, staring at the empty streets of downtown because nobody else is at work. It’s freezing, it’s depressing and it’s lonely.

If you’re off, enjoy sleeping in, enjoy the mundaneness of daytime television and enjoy getting schmammered on a Wednesday night. You deserve it.

Just know that work next week will suck twice as hard.

Today’s Reason To Drink

Pickle me Elmo

In all the excitement around the holidays, I forgot to mention I FINALLY found a Christmas pickle!

My friends Seth and Russell throw a Christmas party each year, and they hide about four pickles a year. I’ve searched and searched and searched but never got lucky.

Well, this year I found one!

The elation I felt when I spied a green plastic pickle dangling from the inside of a Christmas tree is indescribable. I felt like I won the lottery and Where’s Waldo all at once.

Pickle power!